Here Goes Nothing…

….I have no idea what I am doing.

First of all I have no idea what I am doing writing this blog. I have never blogged before and I don’t even know where to begin or who will even read this. Second of all I have no idea what I am doing in life….

As far as life is concerned I am just searching for a balance. I want to get up in the morning and look forward to going to work. I want to spend 8 hours of my day being productive and feeling good about the accomplishments of the day. Instead, I wake up every morning, go to a dead end job i despise, and count the hours (actually minutes) on the clock until I can leave. Why do i even want to leave so bad? Just to drag my drag myself to the gym where I change into my gym clothes and realize I am not nearly as small and skinny as I want to be. After changing and trying to avoid the mirror i push myself through 45 minutes of assorted cardio workouts and 25 minutes of arm and ab workouts. I leave the gym (no skinnier than I as when i got there) and proceed home where I make dinner for my boyfriend and I and sit on the couch to eat. Although I have every intention of getting off the couch and doing something productive, like searching for a job or finding out what the hell I even want to do with my life, most likely i will hang out and watch Tv until it is time to go to bed and get up and do it all over again.

Is it asking too much to want to be happy with my job, happy with my body, and just plain old happy more often than not…..

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